Hello. I don’t think this is quite what you were after, is it?

Noodling through the stats on this blog tonight, I noticed that around 1000 people a month are now reading it. I was feeling pretty bloody pleased for myself until I started looking at the search terms some of you are using to find it….

Gold stars to all googling “birth, boobs and bad advice” (in any combination), “Zoe Kleinman book”, “thoughts on bottle feeding”, “breastfeeding isn’t working”, “breastfeeding failures after traumatic birth”, “bad advice given on breastfeeding” and so on. I’m guessing you rocked up here for the right reasons and I hope you weren’t disappointed.

To the eleven people who wanted advice about C-Sections… not sure I’m much help there, I’m afraid. Ditto the one person who typed “why I’m very” into Google. I need a little more to go on, darling.

My heart is breaking for the two ladies who searched “always getting called lazy and a bad mum” and “all I wanted was to be someone”. I hope someone somewhere is giving you the help and support you desperately need.

Dear “I’m pissed I wasn’t breastfed”. I have one question. Why?

As for you lot:

real boobs hole
me and my friends boobies
boobs I’m bad
december 2012 boobs of the day
I went to the wrong washroom and I saw boobies

Go straight to somewhere ending .xxx. Do not pass go. Do not collect £200.

But  finally. The Birth, Boobs and Bad Advice WTF SEO award 2013 goes to:

“I’m not pregnant but my husband wants me to breastfeed him and he sucks my nipples terribly.does it help?”

Err. Anyone…..?